Tragic demise of Lord Jim of Gonzo

It is with great sadness that we have to report the tragic demise of Lord Jim of Gonzo, millionaire Lothario (well in Vietnamese Dong at least), and former commander of the Special Operations Executive. Another sad day for the sirens. Here is just one newspaper obituary of this nearly great man…

Lord Jim of Gonzo, Twenty third Earl of Grimsby, winner of the Victoria Cross and Croix de Guerre sadly passed away today. An expert in the ancient art of stingray baiting, he was educated at Clifton before going up to St John's College, Oxford, where he read modern languages (strictly for 2 hours a week), drank wine, chased women, and generally had a thoroughly good time. He began his professional career as a belly dancer, where he rapidly earned fame for the “Gonzo” technique. But for an unfortunate accident at Madam Foufu’s involving a feather boa, he would surely have been one of the world’s leading exponents. After leaving the world of belly dancing he went on to serve in the Financial Services Authority (where he was eminently qualified) and went on to be its first sober chief executive (for exactly two months while he was under-going rehab). Once the drinking began again his true potential was spotted and he became the first non-American head of the Federal Reserve, where he made his fortune supporting a number of Ponzi schemes. In his later life he moved into the world of Military Intelligence (an oxymoron but still if you have read this far, well done) where he was commander of the Special Operations Executive and famed for undertaking assignments dressed only with a pair of size 10 Doc Marten boots. He met his untimely death whilst trying to fight off a number of insurgents equipped with his trusty catapult “old faithful” and a Vietnamese pen knife.

Lord Jim of Gonzo’s career and celebrity fuelled by hedonism and as famous for his establishment family background as he was infamous for his enfant terrible antics will be sorely missed by his 125 children raised by his 72 “wives”.